What are the ultimate top 10 gay passion killers?
This is a tricky one, because we’re all different and what throws a bucket of metaphoric cold water over some of us may excite others! Smelly feet for instance are a big turn on for some gay guys, but others would point them toward the shower.
So, with a big pinch of salt, here are the top 10 gay passion killers:
1 Sleeping over at the parents / boyfriends parents
His elderly Mum’s in the bedroom next door. She might not appreciate the sound of your balls slapping against your boyfriend’s butt whilst he’s moaning loudly. Let’s face it, it aint gonna happen tonight.
2 Bad breath
A universal passion killer. No one likes this. Floss, tongue-scrape, brush and swish. Regularly. NOW you can kiss
3 Make up
Who would you rather sleep with? Julian Clary or Cristiano Ronaldo? OK, perhaps not a fair comparison but you get my drift. Most gay guys are sexually attracted to masculinity in a man, and whilst make up on a guy can look great, for most of us the penis simply doesn’t agree. There are exceptions, of course, especially guys who are attracted to cds and transvestites.
4 Taking 3 hours to get ready to go out
So the ritual begins. Clothes selection, ironing, shaving, sack and crack shaving, face scrub, face mask, 1st shower, nails, plucking, flossing, 2nd shower, teeth whitening, hair, make up, dressing, hair, aftershave and final hair check. Grrrr! FFS you look great - jump in the shower, throw some clothes on and let’s go! Oh OK, you can shave your sack and crack if you like
Yuck. Hold it in please, or wait till you’re on your own or with a guy who’s into that. Exception: after an intimate moment
6 It’s all about me
I’m amazing, I’m the best, I did this, I did that, I was sooo right, he was sooo wrong, I like this, I like that, me, me, me. Yawn, I may have fancied the arse off you, but not since you’ve climbed up inside it. Hint: conversation is a two way street!
7 Talking about exes
Most guys do NOT want to hear about your ex. If you’re singing his praises it is frankly plain rude and doesn’t give off signals that you’re interested in anyone else. If you’re slagging him off then you’re still not over him. If you’re gonna excite other guys, your ex needs to exit your conversation.
8 Bunny boilers
When passion killers become killers! Obsessively keen, phoning every half hour and desperate for your attention. He’s needy like a puppy, but goes rabid and boils your pet bunny when you try to leave him. Get out of there - alive, if possible!
9 Selfish in bed
Physically you find that it is all about satisfying his desires without thought for your own. Selfish in bed can mean selfish in other areas too. In any event, you’ve drawn the short straw in bed! Exception - some guys get off on being selfishly used sexually - the more
selfish the better.
10 Tight with money
You’ve had a lovely meal out with your date and you can’t wait to go back to his place and get all naked. Then the bill comes which he insists on scrutinising and questioning. He only wants to pay for exactly what he’s eaten, and won’t contribute to the tip either. How horny are you feeling now?
By David Abrehart
(c) Copyright 2011. All rights reserved.