It can be hard to resist the temptation to bareback
In our series of posts about barebacking we’ve looked at the consequences of becoming infected with HIV, and the importance of testing often so that if you do become infected with HIV your outlook will be much better.
Today we’re going to take a look at making the personal decision to bareback or not. In a perfect world all gay guys would use condoms, however, we don’t live in a perfect world, and the fact is that a lot of gay guys find condoms a turn off.
This post is written assuming you’re HIV negative. If you’re HIV positive then a site like GMFA will be able to give you more specialised advice.
Benefits of barebacking:
* Sex is more spontaneous and not interrupted by finding/unwrapping/fitting the condom.
* The active partner receives a slightly higher level of sexual stimulus on his penis
* Both partners derive a greater level of sexual arousal by the psychological effects of cumming inside the passive partner without any barrier in between them
* Both partners enjoy a more intimate sexual experience
* The passive partner may enjoy the knowledge of having his partner’s semen inside him even after sex has finished
* The both partners can enjoy cum play without inhibition
* Wider choice of lubricants available for bareback sex
* No need to buy or pick up condoms
Downsides to barebacking
* You may become infected with HIV
* You are at a greater risk of becoming infected with other STDs
* You may enjoy sex less because you are worried about becoming infected with HIV
* You may feel worried or guilty after sex because you are worried that you have been infected with HIV
* You may need to get tested again to make sure you have not become infected
* You may choose to take the PEP treatment within 72 hours to stop any HIV virus from taking hold, but this can have its own consequences and is not 100% effective
When to Decide?
A Mothership member shows his arse
Try to decide whether or not to bareback in advance. Don’t leave this decision until the last minute, when you may be influenced by your sexual desire, or your sexual partner trying to influence your decision.
If you’re at the point of entry your decision making process is compromised. You’re highly aroused, and you’re unlikely to want to interrupt things while one of you puts on a condom. Your decision will be biased!
Your decision will also be biased if you’ve drunk any alcohol or are on any recreational drugs. Also, if you’re passive and your sexual partner is insistent or very persuasive in letting him fuck you without a condom, you may give in. If you’ve decided in advance your resolve will be greater.
So:
* Decide in advance
* Decide when you’re not influenced by alcohol or drugs
* Decide when you’re not influenced by the wishes of your sexual partner
* If you can’t decide in advance (unexpected sex, for instance) then wear a condom
Deciding in advance won’t stop you changing your mind about safe sex, but if you have already decided to be safe you’ll be less likely to end up barebacking. Of course, the safest scenario would be if you decided always to practice safe sex, in all situations.
Barebacking in Loving Relationships
Bareback sex is common in loving relationships
A lot of guys in loving relationships enjoy bareback sex. If you’re both sure you’re negative, and you only practice bareback sex with each other, then this can be a great situation.
However, a word of caution. Gay relationships have a way of changing over time – perhaps from going to monogamous to open relationships, or even breaking up. Gay guys often have sexual partners outside their loving relationships.
What happens if you start to mistrust your boyfriend but have no evidence? You may suspect him of having unsafe with someone else. Even though you may not be able to envisage it now, what happens if you become less close as you are now? Suddenly insisting on wearing a condom whenever you have anal sex may be very awkward – you are obviously showing you no longer trust him.
You should put your health first, and if don’t trust your partner as much as when you first made the decision to bareback with him, then you must evaluate the situation again. Don’t be discouraged from practising safe sex simply to avoid conflict.
Insisting on wearing a condom may force your mistrust into the open, however in the big scheme of things, perhaps this is no bad thing anyway.
Wishing you great sex and great sexual health.
Coming up in this series about barebacking we’ll take a look at how to reduce your risk if you do decide to bareback.
By David Abrehart
(c) Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
Related posts:
Gay barebacking - don’t fuck with the facts
HIV tests - test early and test often
Don’t demonise gay bareback sex
Men cuddling after sex
Can gay guys stay faithful?
Gay barebacking - reducing the risk
Have you struggled with the decision to bareback or not? Please comment below:
