Straight Guys Hugging Rules - No Homo!

No Homo

So we have a new phrase which is a huge hit on Twitter and the rap music scene - ‘No homo’!

Don’t worry dude - ‘No homo’!  Ah, that’s OK then…!

Here’s how it works: straight guys who do or say anything whatsoever that could be remotely seen as gay in any way, shape or form, say ‘No Homo’ before, during or after!

So:

“Great abs dude - been working out? No homo!”

or

“No homo, love your T shirt man, where did you get it?”

or even

“Looks like we’ll have to share the bed/tent/hotel room, no homo!”

Planes, trains and automobiles - same bed scene

It’s not just about what you say either, now the straight hug can have the added reassurance of a quiet ‘No homo’ during mid back-slapping.

Speaking of hugging - this is another minefield for the straight man.  There are rules which straight guys must always follow (with one exception) to keep their hugs manly and straight:

Straight Hug Rules:

1 Always, always, always slap the other guys back continually through your hug

2 Never hug for too long - 1 second is fine - 2 seconds maximum.

3 Watch where your hands go!  One hand should be back-slapping.  The other must NEVER rest on or below the small of his back, and preferably way higher than this.

4 Noises.  Make your hug noisy!  Accompany with loud ‘how ya doin’s?’ and suitable masculine verbality.  NEVER hug silently!

5 Clothes.  NEVER hug a topless guy.  EVER!

Exception to Straight Hug Rules:

1 Footballers.  Footballers can break all the above hug rules, plus they can kiss, fondle and declare undying love to each other too!  That’s still OK, and it is still 100% straight!

You think it is hard being gay?  We have no idea!

By David Abrehart

(c) Copyright 2009.  All rights reserved.

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What do you think about the ’no homo’ expression?  Comment below: