RIP Stephen Gately
Questions and answers are flying around after Stephen Gately’s death.
Here’s what we know:
Stephen Gately was only 33, in the prime of his life, and as far as we’re aware, in good health.
It is far from normal for a fit 33 year old man to die sleeping on the sofa.
The night before he and his civil partner Andy Cowles had gone to Palma’s Black Cat gay club and had met a bulgarian guy there. The bulgarian guy (Georgi Dochev) had returned with them to their apartment.
Now the plot thickens.
Georgi and Cowles retired to the bedroom together, while Gately remained on the sofa. The following day, at 1pm, Dochev left the bedroom and discovered Gately’s dead body on the sofa, and according to him, in a weird ‘praying mantis’ position.
The post mortem has shown that Gately died from pulmonary odoema, or fluid on the lungs, which was apparently “acute”. The fact that it was acute implies that it wasn’t a condition that had been developing for some time. Crucially, the underlying cause of the pulmonary odoema was not given.
So what would cause a presumably fit 33 year old man’s lungs to suddenly fill with fluid and kill him?
Apparently drugs have been ruled out by several sources, although the toxicology reports are still to come back from the post mortem. There has been a lot of talk about an eight hour drinking binge, but on the other hand it is said that Gately didn’t drink, and as far as I’m aware fluid on the lungs is not caused by heavy drinking.
Wikipedia lists strangulation as a possible cause of pulmonary odoema. Could it have been caused by Gately choking on his own vomit, or perhaps auto-asphixiation that went wrong? However he died it is a terrible trajedy for such a popular, nice guy to be cut down so young.
One last thing, Gately was alone on the sofa while his partner shared a bedroom with another man. This may have been with his blessing and he may have been very relaxed about the arrangement, but it still seems a little sad. Not just for Gately, but in a way for gay guys generally. Is this what our relationships come to? And can we realistically expect our relationships to remain monogamous for ever?
When we fall in love and commit to each other in a civil partnership, should we be keeping our fingers crossed behind our backs?
By David Abrehart
(c) Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
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Stephen Gately 1976-2009
Can gay guys stay faithful?
October 19th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Thanks JR - nice perspective there
I see your point - however I think that our monogamy rates are far lower than straight couples - I cover this point more fully in this blog:
http://www.mother-ship.com/blog/can-gay-guys-stay-faithful-1267/
Whether this matters or not is another good point - in my opinion the main thing is what maximises our happiness, and that is a personal decision.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
“Is this what our relationships come to? And can we realistically expect our relationships to remain monogamous for ever?”
…and as gay men why do we keep beating ourselves up? Half of all hetero marriages end in divorce and no-one keeps stats on co-habiting couples. The divorce stats can be confusing but more than a third of divorces cite adultery as the reason (unreasonable behaviour is the biggest cause which also includes same-sex adultery).
Why would gay men expect to achieve the fairy-tale that even for straight couples is an illusion?
My experience is that most long term gay partners are much more realistic about relationships and sexual fidelity doesn’t figure on the list of reasons to break up.
Our relationships are what they are… human. Monogamy is an illusion spun from Judaeo-Christian ethics and completely contra our biological instincts which is to sow our seed far and wide!
October 15th, 2009 at 1:01 am
RIP to you Stephen