Gay Teenage Suicides - Homophobia Killing Our Gay Youth
(Part 2)
A gay teenager in a Mothership tee shirt
In the second part of our look at the high rates of gay teenage suicides we’ll explore what we can do to practically address the problem. Gay teenage suicides run at four times the rate of straight teenage suicides, and if gay teens are kicked out of their home - nine times more.
This is a heartbreaking trajedy, and all of us who have experienced emotional pain in our teenage years (this will be most of us to some extent) will probably empathise.
Spotting Danger Signs of Impending Suicide Attempt
First of all, we need to be aware of the danger signs [1] to look for if a gay teenager may be contemplating suicide:
1 Socially withdrawn and isolated
2 Low self esteem and feeling bad about themselves
3 Losing interest in usual interests and activities
4 Hopeless/helpless attitude
5 Drugs and substance abuse
6 Giving away items they value
7 “It won’t matter soon anyway” statements or attitudes
How to Act When You Suspect a Gay Teenager May be Suicidal
A gay teenager from Mothership Gay Dating (18+)
If a gay teen is displaying any of the above warning signs (or several of them) you’ll need to act. Don’t put it off because you’re unsure or embarrassed. Here’s what you should do [1] :
1 Listen to them. A lot of suicidal teens feel that they are not understood, and other people don’t listen to them properly. Really listen to them.
2 Don’t joke or try to cheer them up. This is the wrong approach. If they’ve shared their feelings with you then you must respect them and accept them at face value.
3 Don’t avoid the elephant in the room. Talk about suicide, don’t evade the subject. Ask them if they have considered taking their own life - contrary to what you may think, you will not be putting ideas into their head.
4 How are they going to do it? If they are suicidal, ask them how they intend to do it. If they have an advanced plan of action then this shows even greater danger - they are more likely to go ahead.
Giving our gay youth something to smile about :)
5 Remove dangerous objects. Take objects that may be used for suicide from their room/home - including pills, knives, ropes, firearms etc).
6 Empathise and show you care. Tell them you’re worried for them, and that you care for them. Ask them not to commit suicide - at least for now. Buy time.
7 Nothing lasts forever. Tell them that no matter how bad things seem now, feelings like this don’t last forever and will change over time.
8 No turning back from death. Remind them that death is final. They can’t change their mind after.
9 DO NOT keep it a secret, even if they ask you to. Too much is at stake. If you’re a teenager too, then share this with an adult you trust. Whatever happens, seek help and advice from other adults, and the authorities.
UK/Ireland organisations to turn to:
The teen’s GP
Samaritans 08457 909090 (UK) 1850 609090 (Ireland)
Papyrus 0800 068 4141
Trevor Project (USA) 866-4-U-TREVOR
10 Work out a way forward with the teenager that gives them a plan of action, and hope.
Never Give Up the Fight for Gay Equality
Mothership is popular with gay teenagers - 18+ only though
As I pointed out in part 1 in the UK especially we have made huge advances in attitudes to gay and bi people in the last few decades. Ireland and the USA have also seen progress, but to a lesser extent.
However, even in the UK we still have a long way to go. Civil partnerships are not equal to marriages. The government’s new Equality Bill specifically excludes gay people from its harrassment clauses. Most religious denominations have major issues with homosexuality. Max Clifford recently identified major homophobia in football.
Worse than these tangible expressions of homophobia are the ones that are so much harder to put your finger on. The slight pauses on the telephone when you tell someone your partner is not a ’she’ but your civil partner. The way you were passed over for promotion, when a less able straight colleague who plays football with the boss is favoured instead. The “I’ve got nothing against gays, but…” attitude, or the dreadful line “What you choose to do in your bedroom is up to you.”
Mothership member Liam
It is this grubby, hidden homophobia which is still rife, and reinforces more aggressive homophobic attitudes in the family, and at school/college.
Don’t ever accept this! Keep fighting every step of the way to change society’s attitudes toward LGBT people so that one day we’ll banish homophobia for good. A day when all parents can echo Brad Pitt’s recent comments:
“Would it bother me if a child of mine turns out to be gay? No, not one bit. Listen, I want my kids to live the lives they want to live. I want them to be fulfilled. I hope I teach my kids to be who they really are.”
then maybe our gay teenagers will see a life of hope, acceptance and self-worth ahead of them, and the trajedy of gay teenage suicides will end.
By David Abrehart
(c) Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
The images in this post are gay teenagers (18+) from Mothership Gay Dating given with permission - thanks guys 
Sources
[1] The Trevor Project
Related posts:
Gay teenage suicides - death by homophobia
Gay body language
Where to meet on your first gay date
Amateur gay lads
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