Feelings are running high, so get your break up right
An article about how to break up with your boyfriend isn’t exactly inspiring for a gay dating site is it?
However, the hard truth is that sometimes relationships - gay or straight - just don’t work out and the time has come to get out. But how and when do you do this?
Breaking up with a partner can be very hard and may be very painful for you as well as your boyfriend. You’re in for a tough time, so here is some simple advice to help you to get breaking up right when your relationship is wrong.
Are you certain?
This is the single most important factor. Are you certain your relationship can’t be saved? Think of all the benefits you receive from your relationship - companionship, love, sex, laughter, joy, fun, material support, intellectual stimulation and many other possible factors. All relationships go through rough patches, and remember that it is entirely normal for the wild (and frequent) sex in the early months to settle down over time.
Try to avoid the ‘grass is always greener’ trap where the allure of new sexual partners can undermine the sexuality of your current relationship. Have a long hard think about what is working and what isn’t working in your current relationship, and what you really want from a partner. Importantly, be open and discuss your concerns with your boyfriend. Maybe he is feeling the same way, or has his own worries, and by working at it you can overcome the hurdles you face.
Relate offer relationship counselling which can help if you can’t seem to resolve your problems on your own.
You’ll need to be strong
If you can’t work out your differences, and you’re sure this relationship is wrong for you, then you’ll want to break up. Once you’ve finally made your decision you’ll need to be strong. Try not to be afraid of being lonely when you’re single. Being single is not worse than having a relationship at any cost. Breaking up can be very difficult and now is the time to draw upon your reserves and do it. Don’t waver, don’t hesitate. Keep your resolve and be sure and strong in your decision and actions.
Don’t change your mind
Once you’ve made your decision, don’t change your mind. You’re not being fair on him or yourself if you do. You’ve taken a long time to evaluate whether or not you should be together, you’ve finally made your decision, now you must stick with it. It is very sad to watch a messy break up with many false dawns of doomed reconciliations. It didn’t work first time, and the things that drove you apart before will resurface and drive you apart again.
Break up in person
No one likes conflict and facing the pain of a break up can be extremely daunting. However, don’t be tempted to break up by text message or email. Breaking up by phone is no good either. You need to tell him in person. It is best to meet on neutral territory - maybe a coffee shop or a park bench - and it is better if it isn’t in a bar where alcohol can get in the way, or somewhere where you’ll be delayed for sometime after - like over lunch or dinner. You need the freedom to make a dignified exit from the scene (and from his life).
Keep it short
You’re splitting up with him and you’re not open to persuasion - you’ve made your decision, remember? So now is the time to keep your explanation short and considerate. Something along the lines that you’re not longer right for each other should suffice. Don’t go into a character assassination. Unkind words at this stage may fester on both sides and cause unnecessary hurt. You may be subject to several tempations - to try and justify your actions so you don’t look like the bad guy, or maybe to put yourself down to try and make them feel better, or to allow your stress to turn into anger and to go into attack mode.
Keeping it short, firm and considerate is the kindest way to end your relationship - for both of you.
By David Abrehart
(c) Copyright 2012. All rights reserved.
