by Dominic Davies
A problem that can undermine confidence in gay dating is erectile dysfunction (which is a more neutral term than ‘impotence’). It’s estimated that 1:10 of us will have difficulties with getting or keeping an erection at some point in our lives, and around half of gay men over 40 years old experience difficulties with erections. It’s one of the most common difficulties and if it becomes a regular thing, then it needs to be checked out.
The first point of contact should generally be your GP as in about three quarters of the men presenting, the cause is physical and either due to a medical condition (diabetes, MS, heart disease, high blood pressure etc), medication (prescription or recreational drugs) or lifestyle (smoking is a common cause of erection difficulties). The GP can examine you and investigate what’s causing it, they can run tests and refer you to a specialist if necessary. They will ask about the circumstances of when you can and aren’t able to get erection (do you have morning erections? Has there been in a change in the hardness? etc).
For many men though, there is a psychological cause and this is where seeing a sex therapist for psychosexual counselling can be helpful. Even where there is a physical cause, there are often psychological components and you may benefit from being able to discuss these with someone neutral. Anxiety, depression, discomfort with your sexuality, difficulties in your relationship are all likely psychological causes.
As I’ve said above 95% of the time, erectile dysfunction is treatable, but can go on untreated for years, causing great distress to the person concerned (and often to their partner(s) too).
There are a range of treatments available. You’ll probably be familiar with medication (Viagra, Cialis etc). Be wary of obtaining fake generic medications as you may be taking something which can cause you harm. Chinese herbal ‘viagra’ is also effective and there are other herbal and nutritional supplements which can help. Some people use a vacuum pump and put a retaining ring on to maintain their erection, and there are other treatments too. The most important thing is to get physically checked out first and then a careful history can be taken.
As ever, I’m happy to be contacted off list if you want to discuss this further.
© Dominic Davies - Pink Therapy™
