Can Gay Relationships Work Between Gay Mates?
Can gay mates have gay relationships?
Those of you who know Mothership’s attitude to gay relationships will know that we recognise that sex, love and friendship all get pretty much mixed up for gay guys.
On Mothership Gay Dating we don’t think that’s a bad thing - a decent sex life tends to be a high gay priority, and our gay relationships, and our gay mates are also very important. Gay guys sometimes don’t have the back up of a traditional family unit, especially as we get older, so if it makes us happy and no one gets hurt, who cares if we shag before we date, or become mates?
However, whilst it is much easier for us to become gay mates or lovers after having sex, it can be much more difficult for us to move from friendships to gay relationships. Incidentally this is quite the opposite to straight friendships between a man and a woman.
When I talk about friendship, I’m talking about a real friendship where you’ve known each other for some time and a feeling of ‘brotherhood’ develops. A friendship where you secretly fancy each other, or are grooming the friendship in the hope of it growing into something else is NOT what I’m talking about. I’m also not talking about fuck buddies - any gay mates who you shag for mutual pleasure.
I’m talking about your best mate, or a close friend you’ve known for a long time and who you regard in a ‘brotherly’ sense - he may be good looking, but you don’t look at him in that way - to do so may almost seem incestuous. This is the kind of friendship that is very difficult for gay men to turn into a romantic gay relationship.
However, sometimes it does happen, and when it does it can be very powerful. You’ve already done the hard part - getting to know and like each other, and laugh together, and if you can overcome the embarrassment factor and see your friend in a sexual light then it can make you both very happy.
Why Did My Feelings Change?
Only you can know that - who can unravel the complexities of the human psyche? Perhaps you went swimming together and caught a glimpse of his naked body when you got changed, and something switched on inside you. Maybe you got drunk at a party and ended up sharing a bed. Whatever it was, something bridged the gap between your normal non-sexual regard for each other. The fact is, it has happened and now you need to deal with it.
Friends or Lovers?
Mothership members in a gay relationship
If your feelings have changed toward your friend then tread carefully because something like this could spoil your friendship if the feeling isn’t reciprocated.
If you’ve actually had sex then in many ways it is easier to approach - you’ll both know it happened and should be able to openly talk about it. If he doesn’t want to take it further, he can say so then, and you can deal with it. The fact is you both had sex, so any responsibility is shared.
However, if the feelings are only in your mind so far, then things are more delicate. Try to find out if he fancies you back by his actions, and his body language. If you’re still unsure then I’d just concentrate on the friendship and let him make any moves toward a sexual relationship.
If your feelings are so strong and you simply have to know if he likes you in the same way, and you’re prepared to let that cost you your friendship, then fair enough - but again, play it softly! You don’t want to scare him off any gay relationship if he is undecided.
Keep it light, don’t come on too heavy, keep your humour and if he rejects you romantically pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get out there and date someone else! In the meantime, see if you can salvage your friendship - again, a touch of humour here will help you remain good gay mates.
By David Abrehart
(c) Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
Related posts:
Does he like me?
Gay body language
Hot gay guys
Letting him down gently
What do you think? Would you become lovers with any of your good friends, or would this be incestuous for gay guys?
