A Mothership Gay Dating member
You’re waiting at a prearranged rendezvous for a first meeting with a guy you’ve exchanged messages with briefly online, knowing very little about him, maybe not even having his face pic. First physical contact - it’s exciting and perhaps unnerving. How will you both react on seeing each other? Whatever the outcome, it’s always the same - as thrilling as meeting an extraterrestrial, imagining new adventures arising from the other’s gay world.
Stephen Hawking’s recent warning that we should be wary of contacting alien civilisations as they may try to colonise us is a scientific projection not unlike that expressed in America’s Life magazine on July 27th, 1964 which explored a gay societywhich was “getting bolder”. It quoted a Los Angeles pamphlet for law enforcement officers saying what homosexuals wanted was “a fruit world”. Like the communists it was believed that gay people “intend to bury us”. Cold War fears of communism and gay issues were blended in a common paranoia.
Even in gay circles in 1964 there were rigid distinctions between the leather scene crowd who liked to pose as manly and hard, and those who were seen as “swishy”, or effeminate. Thankfully, we’ve moved on, and ” fruits” have not taken over the world but have created a garden of eden on earth open to all.
But back to our first contact with the guy who is gay like ourselves, and yet is a mysterious stranger who embodies so many possibilities.
It’s been all too easy to build up the guy in our imagination prior to the date. You’ve established mutual sexual interests spiced with an element of fantasy during late night messaging, noting also that he avoids answering some of your questions. He may have revealed that he’s married, which is why he emails at times when his wife has gone to bed. He may be single and have just split up with his previous boyfriend. You’re experienced enough to know that every guy comes trailing baggage in his wake. There are so many things to uncover before you even start on each other’s bodies.
At the very least you’re hoping that at first glimpse there’s nothing too disconcerting about his face or body, or disappointing about the figure you cut to him. If there’s an immediate problem, there’s still no harm in staying for that drink and, who knows, something about his personality may make his physical defects less important.
Imagine meeting an alien of hideous aspect, the kind of monster encountered in ’50s sci-fi movies, but it has the ability to appear and act in every way as a human male. It’s done its transformation act to please and communicate with you, and stands before you now as your date. Would knowledge of what he really looks like prevent you from enjoying good sexwith him? If your answer is no, then there’s hope in every date and that accommodation of difference that can make gay love so satisfying.
And remember, it takes a number of meetings to really get to know someone. Falling into bed with any guy for a drunken one night stand is a poor route to a meaningful relationship. Imagination, combined with patient, persistent effort to get the best out of your beau can exceed expectations when gay worlds collide.
By John Hartley
(c) Copyright 2010. All rights reserved.
