Male equivalents of Agony Aunts for gay men are hard to find. The nearest we come to them is in the odd newspaper column, or gay fashion and lifestyle mags offering reassurance on health matters. Troubled teens and hesitant, closeted guys, lacking a sensible gay friend and mentor, may want to turn to such a service.
The question being posed was put to Bet Lynch by Liz Mcdonald in a camp episode of Coronation Street. It’s always appealed to me as a funny exchange, most likely penned by a gay scriptwriter. Bet’s winning reply was:
“Well, if it does cock, I’m in ‘t bargain bucket wi’ yer.”
So here’s a gay Agony Uncle’s attempt to answer to an imaginary young crewmember’s dilemma.
I suppose by ‘cheap’ you mean a tacky, tawdry, full-on, legs in the air, pants abandoned on the club toilet cubicle floor, insatiable, all round slut? Well, yes, you very probably are. I hope that at least clarifies things, and you feel a little bit better for knowing.
a Mothership member's raging stiffy
Let’s imagine your day. You wake, as usual, with a raging stiffy, and wank to a reverie about the porn star movie you watched last night. Snatching breakfast, you leap on the pc and look at Mothership to see if the gorgeous guys you messaged have left replies. Noticing a blog about bad boys by yours truly, you read it, finding it so tame you want to see me tied to a pillar and lashed by a real hard nut, like some unfortunate transgressor on the Bounty. All fired up, you take to your bike and head for the nearby cruising grounds, your cock protesting against ultra-tight jeans, looking for another excuse to shoot your load. Just don’t tell me you forgot the condoms and lube.
The good news is, you’re perfectly normal.
My advice would firstly be that a man in your bed is worth two in a bush. Secondly, expand your horizons, and don’t limit yourself to one age group. I bet when you vote someone’s profile cool, he’s more often than not quite young and around your own age. You can sometimes be rude and dismissive about older guys, seeing them as really beyond the pale. That outlook was maybe reinforced by the odd times when in frustration you approached someone who looked your grandad’s age and he couldn’t get an erection. Boy, that really put you off.
Quite frankly, it’s time to reflect and be more human. Putting aside real physical impotency problems, statistics show an awful lot of guys find it more difficult to get and sustain erections as they get older. There are many reasons for this, often psychological - simply worrying about failing to perform can be the cause. It doesn’t mean they haven’t got the hots for you, or are enjoying the sex any less. That’s the mystery of it, and a vital point to remember.
Some guys can’t get anything going on at the front while interesting things are going on at the back. A submissive guy who adores anal sex can be totally absorbed by being fucked to the exclusion of all else. Sex involves a whole gamut of variations and different reactions - that’s the wonder of it. If you want to do some real good, start seeking out guys much older than yourself, and you’ll benefit from their considerable experience as a reward. Perhaps it’s never crossed your mind, but some people really like the challenge of working a guy up from soft.
...many a good tune played on an old fiddle!
Try to put a stop to this negative thinking over age once and for all. You’ll be surprised how time passes, and before you know it, you’re that age too, amazed at where the years have gone. There are definite compensations, however, not least the fruits of accumulated experience.
The resilience of the sex drive to passing decades is well documented in humans, as is the sense of being much younger on the inside. As our numerical age increases, there may be a lessening of expectations, but our need for the transforming excitement and comforts of sex remain. Gay men without children may secretly fear ending up as lonely, partnerless individuals, viewing their glory days from the dark corners of bars where they aren’t given a second glance. These days, however, it’s more an outdated misception dreamed up by early sociological commentators, at a time when homosexuals were poorly understood, social intolerance was rife and our present legal rights were a mirage.
So, in conclusion, I’d say you’re a lucky man. Seek to develop a more generous, accommodating outlook on the gay scene towards guys of all ages. You may still put it about, but you’ll be emotionally richer and happier as a result.
By John Hartley.
Copyright (c) October 2010.
