A Mothership Gay Dating member with tattoos

Whether gay or straight, tattoos have become increasingly popular, and some guys carry them really well.  As ancient tribal markings, rites of passage, signs of gang affiliation, pure artistry, fashion accessories or deep meaningful statements, many gay men find tattoos a homoerotic delight. Anyone getting one for the first time prompts a mini-celebration in the tattoo parlour as they become one of the inked fraternity. For gay men it means joining a brotherhood within the exclusive brotherhood we already are.

One of the most famous books ever written, Moby Dick by Herman Melville  (1851),  has the unforgettable scene where the narrator Ishmael has to share a room and a bed for the night with Queequeg, a South Sea Island harpooner, who is covered in elaborate native tattoos all over his face and body:

“Upon waking next morning about daylight, I found Queequeg’s arm thrown over me in the most loving and affectionate manner. You had almost thought I had been his wife…..though I tried to move his arm - unhook his bridegroom clasp - he still hugged me tightly, as though nought but death should part us twain.”

Melville (whose last work was about the handsome young sailor Billy Budd), makes much of the profusion of strange tattoos covering the islander’s arm, which he can  hardly distinguish from the busy pattern of the conterpane.  Many a gay reader must have felt the erotic charge of Ishmael’s account. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve struggled with my weight for nearly all of my adult life.  I think being overweight is a particularly difficult issue for gay men, and for myself, at 43, I am at last trying to do something about this permanently, instead of yoyo-ing.  So far, I’ve lost over a stone - but will it stay off?  I’ll blog more about this in another post.

Even if you’re not overweight yourself, there are times many of us can feel we could hide a few pounds!  Of course, you can’t really lose 10 pounds by tonight, but if you’re off on a hot date later, you can appear 10 pounds lighter by choosing your clothes carefully, some careful grooming and taking some diet and exercise precautions.

Clothes guidelines:

A dark V neck top is very slimming

1) Wear a V neck top, NOT a round neck. 

This simple trick makes a BIG difference.  The round neck accentuates a round face, wheras the V neck draws the eye down vertically creating an illusion that you’re slimmer.

Your top will need to be a plain unbuttoned top - either T shirt or long sleeve.  Traditional collared, button shirts don’t work, and can puff out making you look fatter.

2) Wear one colour, and make that colour plain, and dark.

So keep your trousers/jeans and top co-ordinated in one colour only - a dark grey, dark blue or brown is ideal.  Black can be OK, and is well-known for being slimming, but watch out for the pasty white bloated face floating on top!  Personally I’d steer clear of black, and go for something subtler and kinder. Read the rest of this entry »

It can be hard to resist the temptation to bareback

In our series of posts about barebacking we’ve looked at the consequences of becoming infected with HIV, and the importance of testing often so that if you do become infected with HIV your outlook will be much better.

Today we’re going to take a look at making the personal decision to bareback or not.  In a perfect world all gay guys would use condoms, however, we don’t live in a perfect world, and the fact is that a lot of gay guys find condoms a turn off. 

This post is written assuming you’re HIV negative.  If you’re HIV positive then a site like GMFA will be able to give you more specialised advice. Read the rest of this entry »

Get tested once a year at least!

Yesterday we looked at how we need to establish the hard facts about HIV before making decisions or judgements about gay barebacking.  Well, another hard fact about HIV is the earlier you get diagnosed HIV+ , the better your medical outcome. 

So, get an HIV test early, and get tested often - that’s once a year, or after you have been put at risk (more below).

In the UK our HIV test rates are particularly poor compared to some other countries - Katherine Sladden of the National Aids Trust told Mothership Blog:

“…in Australia we know 85% to 95% of gay men have had a HIV test at some point in their lives.  In the UK this is much lower, only 60% of gay men in the UK have ever had a HIV test.”

However, thanks to efforts from charities like the gay men’s health charity GMFA, there has been a considerable improvement in late diagnosis rates amongst gay men. GMFA’s Matthew Hodson told the Mothership Blog that in 2005 21% of gay men with HIV were diagnosed late, but by 2007 this figure was just 15% [2].  Compare that to 40% of the straight population with a late diagnosis. Read the rest of this entry »

The popularity of gay barebacking is leading to increasing HIV cases

Let’s clear one thing up right away.  HIV is a serious illness.  Developing AIDS is worse.  Using a condom during anal sex will drastically reduce your risk of contracting HIV.

However a mighty row is brewing in the UK gay community recently over the growing popularity and visibility of gay barebacking (fucking without a condom).  The number of gay men contracting HIV is still growing year on year, and there is a worrying spike of HIV infection rates in our young gay men under 24[1].

1980s AIDS advert

A Pink News article by Gary Leigh ’Killing Us Softly’ argues for a return to hard-hitting no-nonsense AIDS campaigns like those from the 80’s.  It has attracted 175 comments already, many of them critical of the prominent gay sexual health charities like GMFA and THT. ‘This has happened on your watch’, Leigh seems to be saying.

The actor Alan Cumming has also been very vocal on the issue in this month’s Attitude magazine:

“There will be a new wave of AIDS deaths”, he states, adding

“AIDS will kill you, and it will make your life terrible. You can live longer now but there will be a wave of death when the new combinations stop being effective.”

Read the rest of this entry »